Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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