Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
