Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
