was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
