GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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