If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am naked and annoyed.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
