Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
