sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
