i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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