I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
