I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
