I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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