dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
