I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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