im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize