what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
