We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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