it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize