I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
