I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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