Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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