Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
