there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
