I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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