I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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