Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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