And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
