So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
