i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
