Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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