I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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