Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
