my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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