I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
