I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i drank out of a bidet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
