We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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