They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
