Screwed.edu
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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