I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she told me i tasted like america
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
