apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
