bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize