I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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