I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
