I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
