About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
