Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Less talking, more tequila
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
