apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
