look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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