I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
