there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just found puke in my bra..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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