I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
