I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
