I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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