There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Terrible idea I love it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
