how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
