Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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