Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
