It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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