is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
