if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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