Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
