I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
