Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
