I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
