so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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