last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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