My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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