Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
