I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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