Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
