You made me cry and you don't even care
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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