are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
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