Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
