I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
